Una caja llena de soldados
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un día de picnic
Quiero hacer una performance de soldados
que van a un día de picnic en vez de a un
día de guerra. Pero para eso necesito solda-
dos. Necesito que los envíen en una misión
especial a mi estudio, aunque eso suene muy
grandilocuente. Una vez ahí, en mi estudio,
les cuento. Porque creo que sí les aviso antes,
todos van a querer anotarse a un día de picnic.
Y mi estudio es chiquito. Ponele que si corro
la mitad de las obras que tengo a un costado y
tiro la otra mitad, entraremos 8 personas, más
yo, 9 personas. Que igual es un buen número
para hacer un picnic. No sé si es un núme-
ro primo, pero es un número par y a mí me
incomodan los números pares. Por eso pienso
que va a funcionar porque toda obra tiene que
tener algo que incomode. Y a mí que sean 8
soldados en escena me va a incomodar mucho.
Una vez que lleguen los 8 puedo abrir unas
cervezas o pasar unas aguas, que es la típica
manera de empezar un picnic, y contarles un
poco la idea de la performance. Y quizá con
solo contarles, pumba, ya traemos todo ese
parque donde íbamos a hacer todo ese picnic
al estudio. Sería increíble. Por sobre todo sentir
ese calor rodeados todos de todos. Lo primero
que harían, mientras seguimos tomando y les
cuento un poco más, sería tomar sol, desnudos
o con el traje de soldado. Mejor con el traje de
soldado. Porque, ¿cuándo viste a un soldado
tomando sol? En cambio vi miles de soldados
desnudos y ninguno me interesó. Después,
mientras abrimos las papas fritas, los sangu-
chitos, pueden jugar un rato al Uno, al Candy
Crush o al Ahorcado. Ahora, el ahorcado
podría ser un juego pacífico aunque tenga ese
nombre. Escribíamos paz, amistad, igualdad,
hermandad, no es un cliché, no es un cliché.
Después, un saldado podría levantarse de la
ronda y poner este tema que estoy escuchando
ahora de El Kanka que dice: “No me interesa
el mostrador del que la gente presume”. Lo
tendrían que bailar como en modo musical,
moviendo las manos como armando “Ss” y 3
soldados harían de coro y 5 de bailarines, así
separamos a los 8 y tenemos por fin grupitos
impares. Y cuando hacen “pa ra pa pa” las
trompetas harían una coreo de esas, como
cuando te das un golpecito en los muslos, un
aplauso en el aire, abrís las manos como haci-
endo el símbolo de la paz y cerrás chasqueando
los dedos de las dos manos.
Y después creo que ya está. Podríamos leer un
poco pero no sabría qué libros recomendar
porque no conozco muchos libros. Y no quiero
caer en recomendar pavadas.
Los saludo al final. Nos saludamos todos al
final y armamos una ronda. Nos miramos y nos
decimos cosas lindas para cerrar.
Se van y con ellos los libros, la coreo, el Uno,
los sanguchitos, el sol, las cervezas y todo ese
parque que estaba adentro del estudio.
eng/
a picnic day
I want to do a performance of soldiers going
to a picnic day instead of a war day. But for
that I need soldiers. I need you to send them
on a special mission to my studio, even though
that sounds very grandiose. Once there, in my
studio, I tell you. Because I think if I warn you
beforehand, everyone is going to want to sign
up for a picnic day. And my studio is small. Tell
him that if I move half of the works that I have
on one side and throw the other half, 8 people
will enter, plus me, 9 people. Which is still a
good number for a picnic. I don’t know if it is
a prime number, but it is an even number and
even numbers bother me. That’s why I think
it’s going to work because every work has to
have something that makes it uncomfortable.
And the fact that there are 8 soldiers on stage is
going to make me very uncomfortable.
Once the 8 arrive I can open some beers or
pass some water, which is the typical way to
start a picnic, and tell them a little about the
idea of the performance. And maybe just by
telling them, Pumbaa, we already brought that
whole park where we were going to have that
whole picnic to the studio. It would be amaz-
ing. Above all, feeling that heat surrounded by
everyone. The first thing they would do, while
we continue drinking and I’ll tell you a little
more, would be sunbathe, naked or with a sol-
dier’s suit. Better with the soldier suit. Because
when did you see a soldier sunbathing? Instead
I saw thousands of naked soldiers and none
of them interested me. Then, while we open
the fries, the sandwiches, they can play Uno,
Candy Crush or Hangman for a while. Now,
hangman could be a peaceful game even if it
has that name. We would write peace, friend-
ship, equality, brotherhood, it’s not a cliché, it’s
not a cliché. Afterwards, a defendant could get
up from the round and play this song that I am
listening to now from El Kanka that says: “I’m
not interested in the counter that people brag
about.” They would have to dance it as if in mu-
sical mode, moving their hands as if they were
making “Ss” and 3 soldiers would act as the
chorus and 5 as dancers, so we separate the 8
and we finally have odd groups. And when they
say “pa ra pa pa” the trumpets would do one of
those choruses, like when you tap your thighs,
clap in the air, open your hands as if making a
peace symbol and close them by snapping your
fingers. two hands.
And then I think that’s it. We could read a little
but I wouldn’t know what books to recommend
because I don’t know many books. And I don’t
want to fall into recommending nonsense.
I greet you at the end. We all greeted each other
at the end and made a round. We look at each
other and say nice things to close.
They leave and with them the books, the
choreo, the Uno, the sanguchitos, the sun,
the beers and all that park that was inside the
studio.
a picnic day
I want to do a performance of soldiers going
to a picnic day instead of a war day. But for
that I need soldiers. I need you to send them
on a special mission to my studio, even though
that sounds very grandiose. Once there, in my
studio, I tell you. Because I think if I warn you
beforehand, everyone is going to want to sign
up for a picnic day. And my studio is small. Tell
him that if I move half of the works that I have
on one side and throw the other half, 8 people
will enter, plus me, 9 people. Which is still a
good number for a picnic. I don’t know if it is
a prime number, but it is an even number and
even numbers bother me. That’s why I think
it’s going to work because every work has to
have something that makes it uncomfortable.
And the fact that there are 8 soldiers on stage is
going to make me very uncomfortable.
Once the 8 arrive I can open some beers or
pass some water, which is the typical way to
start a picnic, and tell them a little about the
idea of the performance. And maybe just by
telling them, Pumbaa, we already brought that
whole park where we were going to have that
whole picnic to the studio. It would be amaz-
ing. Above all, feeling that heat surrounded by
everyone. The first thing they would do, while
we continue drinking and I’ll tell you a little
more, would be sunbathe, naked or with a sol-
dier’s suit. Better with the soldier suit. Because
when did you see a soldier sunbathing? Instead
I saw thousands of naked soldiers and none
of them interested me. Then, while we open
the fries, the sandwiches, they can play Uno,
Candy Crush or Hangman for a while. Now,
hangman could be a peaceful game even if it
has that name. We would write peace, friend-
ship, equality, brotherhood, it’s not a cliché, it’s
not a cliché. Afterwards, a defendant could get
up from the round and play this song that I am
listening to now from El Kanka that says: “I’m
not interested in the counter that people brag
about.” They would have to dance it as if in mu-
sical mode, moving their hands as if they were
making “Ss” and 3 soldiers would act as the
chorus and 5 as dancers, so we separate the 8
and we finally have odd groups. And when they
say “pa ra pa pa” the trumpets would do one of
those choruses, like when you tap your thighs,
clap in the air, open your hands as if making a
peace symbol and close them by snapping your
fingers. two hands.
And then I think that’s it. We could read a little
but I wouldn’t know what books to recommend
because I don’t know many books. And I don’t
want to fall into recommending nonsense.
I greet you at the end. We all greeted each other
at the end and made a round. We look at each
other and say nice things to close.
They leave and with them the books, the
choreo, the Uno, the sanguchitos, the sun,
the beers and all that park that was inside the
studio.